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Tuesday, February 11, 2020

13 Real Stories of the Dumb Ways People Have Gotten Laid


"I asked politely to lose my virginity."


Sometimes, when you're ready to have sex with someone for the first time, you put a ton of work into making it just right: You light candles; you stock up on lube and the best couple's sex toys; maybe you even go the extra mile and clean your room for the first time in three weeks.
Other times, you can't plan ahead for sex: It just happens in the dumbest way possible. A recent Reddit thread asked the following question: "What is the dumbest way you got laid?" and the responses are preeeetty entertaining. Here are some of our faves.
"I asked politely to lose my virginity."
From Locke_Step: "I asked politely to lose my virginity back in the day, so that might be a bit of a dumb way to go about it.
"No gimmicks, just 'would you mind if I lost my v-card to you? It'd be nice if my first time was with someone I knew and trusted. No awkwardness after, just a one-off so I can learn.'"
"Had some people over playing Cards Against Humanity."

From Embowaf: "Was a virgin at the time. Had some people over playing Cards Against Humanity.
"It's not a serious game even when you're playing it, so sometimes we would show people the card we drew as a replacement if it was like, perfect for the hand we had just played. I don't remember what the black card we were playing to was anymore, but I drew the 'friends with benefits' white card and it would have been perfect for it, so I leaned over and showed my friend sitting next to me. Later everyone left and she stayed behind and we were talking and she assumed I meant it as a request. I hadn't even thought of that but rolled with it."
"A night later, we were banging."
From hold_my_lacroix: "I was taking care of a professor's kitten (Mr. Milk), and another student was as well. There was a schedule. Somehow we got crossed up and ended up there at the same time, and a night later, we were banging."
"We were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show."
From Moth_Seraph: "We were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show and he asked 'if i ask politely, will you have sex with me?' I was planning to anyway but the way he asked made me laugh."
"We decided to bake cookies together at 1 a.m."
From MoistWalrus: "Met a girl on tinder and we decided to bake cookies together at 1 AM after I left work. As soon as the cookies were done she looked over at me and asked if I wanted to go fuck."
"I was at a costume party after being dumped by a guy earlier that day."
From laconicyouth: "When I was 18 I was at a costume party after being dumped by a guy earlier that day. A few drinks later and after venting to my best friend, I got up, stood in the yard and said 'I just want to fuck someone who doesn't care about me!' Guy standing near me in a cow costume turned his head, said 'let's go' and led me into the house and upstairs."
"[I was] paranoid about the house burning down while at the cinema on a date."
From troubleshot: "Left the oven on from dinner before going on a date to see a film. Paranoid about the house burning down while at the cinema on a date. Whisper to her about these concerns so we leave. We get home and I rush in and turn off the oven, date says 'wait, you actually left it on!?' Then we had sex."
"She said that she was so touched by my chivalrous actions that she wanted to buy me a drink."
From hokeyWB: "I went to use a public phone box (yes, I am THAT old) and there was a lady who came up to it just behind me. I actually didn't want to make the call, so I said that she could go first.
"After her call she waited outside the phone booth, and when I was done she said that she was so touched by my chivalrous actions that she wanted to buy me a drink.
"We jumped in her car and she took me straight to her place and we had sex. It was pretty awesome."
"He cut his hair the day before the party and I ended up getting laid."
From SithLordShrades: "My best friend and I were having a going away party as we were moving out of state. We pretty much looked alike, both tall with long shoulder-length hair. One of our mutual friends arranged for him to get laid as a going away gift. All the girl knew about him was he's tall with long hair. Long story short, he cut his hair the day before the party and I ended up getting laid."
"I was listening to 'Lips of an Angel' by Hinder with a friend from college."
From EastIndianPao: "I was listening to lips of an angel by hinder with a friend from college. For the part where he says 'really miss your hair on my face' I threw her hair on my face. She laughed and next we were making out. Didn't have sex till like a month later though, but ya that was the start."
"We ended up secretly hooking up on a weekly basis for the next year."
From mox44ah: "Girl I always had a crush on called me up at midnight and asked if she could come over. She was mad at her boyfriend because he wouldn't let her play Guitar Hero. She wanted to get even with him by sleeping with me. We ended up secretly hooking up on a weekly basis for the next year."
"In college I went to a Game of Thrones themed party."
From RebelRosieSkye: "Not laid, but...in college I went to a game of thrones themed party. I was dressed as Catelyn Stark, there was a friend of a friend dressed as Ned Stark, and people kept making jokes about how we were married. So eventually he took that to heart and pulled me down to the basement; we had some fun.
"Decent guy. Fooled around a few more times that semester. Honestly I don’t think this was a dumb way to get off, in retrospect it makes me crack up."
"I joked that we should trade clothes then and she actually stripped down."
From VeganGamerr: "The way I lost my virginity. I really liked a good friend and we were hanging out one day. She said she liked my shirt so I joked that we should trade clothes then and she actually stripped down. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up."
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ARE WOMEN THEIR OWN WORST ENEMIES?



There’s so much talk of empowerment and sisterhood between women and yet still women are often times their own worst enemies—from feeling jealous at another woman’s success to picking apart her clothes, personality, and hair. What makes women do this? To understand more, Nicola Beer, Individual & Couple Relationship Counselor unravels the phenomenon.
GENDER

Whether in the office or on the kids’ playground, Beer points out that our culture promotes competition, where people are classified as either winners or losers. “This coupled with the fact that there is still today gender inequality in both the Western and Eastern world,” she says. In fact, according to the World Economic Forum 2018, women are still paid less, female bosses are still in the minority, and motherhood still carries the risk of total career derailment.
THE BACKGROUND
Women are still paid less and this can lead women to think and act like it’s a super tough world. So they push other women aside to get access to the limited chances available at the top. To overcome this, Beer advises that women must lift as they rise, lift other women up and forward. It means rising against prejudices, letting go of stereotypes, and promote on merit and fair treatment.
OTHER FACTORS
Whilst the work environment and economic inequalities can lead some women to attack each other, there are many individual factors also. Some of these include low self-esteem, jealousy, and personal insecurities that lead some women to attack, put down, gossip, and hurt other women. “Someone who is criticizing, judging, and complaining about others, does so because they feel so low about themselves that this is the only way they have found to feel better,” she tells, and these individuals will be harsh, judgmental, and critical of themselves also.
WHAT WOMEN CAN DO
Showing compassion and not taking it personally is the key here, stresses Beer. “Of course, avoid being close to people who bring you down, are emotionally abusive, or disrespectful; it’s more a case of loving from a distance, and not taking it to heart,” she explains. “Remember, when someone attacks, it’s never about you, but it is rather a window into what they are going through. Miguel Ruiz talks about this in his best-selling book ‘The 4 Agreements.’ So the only thing to do if another woman is mean to you is to send good thoughts out there that she may be suffering and set healthy boundaries to protect yourself if needed.”
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How 25 Different Women Define 'Good Sex' In 2020

How 25 Different Women Define 'Good Sex' In 2020
Because there is no one-size-f*cks-all definition.


"Pizza is like sex. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good." I heard that joke at least a dozen times in high school and even more in college (turns out, teenagers have a lot of free time to talk about sex when they’re not having it). And, like high heels, I’m almost positive that this saying was invented by a man. Because if you're wondering what makes for "good sex," comparing it to an almost universally liked food is...pretty much meaningless.
As someone who's had their fair share of both good and bad sex (long overdue apologies to my college self), I now know that "great sex" can mean different things and that there's no one-size-f*cks-all definition.
"Sex involves our most intimate, personal thoughts and feelings," says Marianne Brandon, PhD. And those change over time, through experience, and from partner to partner. "Good sex isn’t a cognitive experience; it’s an emotional and sensation-based experience precipitated by some type of intimate connection," Brandon adds. "It offers us an encounter with our deepest selves via powerful physical and emotional feelings, such as aliveness, vitality, connection, and pleasure."
That's why, no matter how long you've been knocking boots with your beau, no sexual experience—good or bad—is ever exactly the same.
Truth is, good sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner(s) atm. That said (and as you'll soon see), there are some general tenets of good sex: honest communication, mutual respect, and fun—across ages, sexual orientations, and relationship statuses.
But don’t just take my word—take it from the 25 real women who know good sex when they feel it.
I think there’s this notion that marriage or long-term relationships equal boring, vanilla sex, but that hasn’t been my experience...
...In general, sex in my long-term relationships has always been far better than my short-term hookups, dating sex, etc. And so far, marriage sex is the best it's ever been.
There is something so out-of-this-world good about having such a deep connection and love for someone else that your bodies sort of act as one during sex. And when you have that level of comfort in your relationship, you can also be open and honest about experimenting with new positions, toys, and techniques, which only adds to the pleasure. Having a partner who is giving and in tune with you is a must for great sex." —Hillary R.
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"To me, good sex means being on the same page as the other person. I've always been attracted to older men and just have better sex with them. I've been lucky enough to meet men who know what they are doing, don't rush, and actually appreciate a woman’s body. I can't resist gentle kisses mixed with a bit of roughness and sensuality. Eye contact, light touches, and taking charge are all also good sex essentials for me." —Rochelle W.
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"I know I've had good sex when I don't have the energy to move afterward. Which means, ya know, that I've orgasmed better than I would be able to by myself. There should be some foreplay and some time spent teasing and exploring each other's bodies, instead of just going for the home run right off the bat. I also want my partner to walk away—metaphorically, because we're doing it a second time—satisfied with the experience. And in addition to the physical stuff, there has to be some sort of emotional connection there. If I don't trust the person or feel like they see me as an individual and not just a means to an end, I'm not going to be able to get there." —Emily B.
“Good sex is when I’m not thinking about anything except what’s happening in me. If I look into his eyes and smile like Beyoncé at the end of the 'Rocket' music video, that, to me, is good sex.”  —Emily C.
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"When I first started having sex, all I cared about was making it good for my partner—at the expense of my own pleasure. I didn't want to seem greedy, so I'd say stuff like, 'Don't worry about me!' (Let's all shudder together, shall we?) Now, I know that good sex means asking for what I really want and speaking up if something ain't working. Also, toys." —Jordan T.
To me, good sex is lengthy, drawn out, and in a daring place. If there’s dirty talk and we both orgasm at the same time, even better...
...The best sex I ever had was in my college roommate's bed—oops—because a friend was in my bed and we were too horny to wait for her to leave. It lasted so long, but neither of us were complaining. My roommate ended up walking in—again, oops—but the sex felt so good, we couldn't stop. It was unexpected and risky...the best kind." —Sara S., 33
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.Good sex is healthy for your body, passionate for your heart, and stimulating for your mind. The 'healthy for your body' part means with a partner with whom you feel comfortable communicating, who respects your boundaries and considers your wishes—both in terms of what you want to do and how you want to use protection when doing it." —Dr. Kate White
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"Because I'm taking antidepressants, it can be harder for me to orgasm while having sex with my partner. I've learned to reframe my idea of good sex, shifting my focus from 'needing' to come to simply being in the moment and enjoying the physical sensations as they happen. Thankfully, I'm in relationship with a partner who's patient and willing to experiment, which keeps sex fun instead of frustrating." —Sara L.
“Good sex is about feeling confident in yourself. When you feel gorgeous, sexy, and confident, I think it changes your whole state of mind. Sex is so much more than just the physical act—it’s about arousing you on all levels. And just for the record, I’m having great sex!”  —Estelle K.

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"As someone who has been married for seven-plus years, I think truly good sex is when it happens naturally and neither of you have to ask for or force it. That may sound obvious, but it doesn’t happen as much once you’re married." —Chelsey B.
Some of the best sex we’ve ever had is when one of us isn’t really in the mood—yet...
AMRITA MARINO
...My husband and I established a method that we call the 'traffic light rule'—when one of us is in the mood and we can't tell if the other is, we ask what color they are. Red means, 'Absolutely not right now. Very sorry, but no.' Green means, 'You read my mind—let's go!' Yellow means, 'I'm not really in the mood but willing to have you try and change my mind.'

Some of the best sex we've ever had is when one of us is 'yellow.' Why? There's so much attention given to foreplay and oral in those cases, and there's something really hot about watching your partner try to impress you while enjoying everything he's trying." Liz B.
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"I wish I could say that the size and endurance of a male partner doesn't matter, but the truth is it definitely helps. Skilled foreplay also makes a difference. And communicating with your partner about what each of you likes is also key. But above all, what makes sex good for me is the intensity, focus, and enthusiasm with which you and your partner do everything. Being 100-percent devoted to the moment and feeling the same in return from your partner is a tremendous feeling." —Elissa S.
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"Good sex is the sex you spend the next day—or hell, two—thinking about. There’s a kind of magic that happens when you feel safe enough with the other person to ask for exactly what you want—and know they’re going to do their absolute best to give it to you. Even if I don’t orgasm that particular time, I still consider the experience 'good sex' if my partner and I were able to explore something new and learn more about each other, all the while having fun. And if I can barely breathe by the end of it, well, that’s just an extra perk." —Lindsay G.
“Good sex means consent. It means toe curling, head scratching, heart pounding—all around goodness rushing through your body in all the right places. It means doing it with someone who is willing to wait for their turn, just so you can get yours (amirite, ladies?!). It means being comfortable enough to tell them what you want and need. And, ultimately, it means having fun.” —Alexis J.
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"For me, the best sex is about flexibility—and no, not literally. Though, I mean, I wouldn’t turn that down. It’s about being with someone who can go from intense to giggly to loving to any other emotion they may be feeling. I hate anyone taking themselves too seriously or feeling like they’re 'performing' for someone. The ultimate goal of sex is pleasure, so let’s just chill out and have a good time." —Mackenzie H.
A willingness to try something new is important to me
AMRITA MARINO
...Good sex, for me, can come in many different forms. But a few constants: when someone has confidence in the bedroom, when there's open and easy communication, and when they're down to try something new." —Brittany M., 29


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"Good sex starts way before the physical act. For me, it begins by sharing the same flirting style, teasing one another, and having deep, thought-provoking conversations. It’s about feeling safe with the person you’re with, and like you share a connection to each other—even in a room full of other people. That’s the start of good foreplay. As for the physical aspect, good sex requires open-mindedness, confidence, and a passion for giving. It’s also essential that you’ve explored your own body first, so you really know what you want and feel comfortable asking for that. The best partners are turned on by turning you on, make you feel irresistible, and aren’t at all squeamish. They can also multitask—a woman’s body has so much to work with—between our hair, tongue, nipples, clit, vagina, and ass. Some combination of three of those should be getting attention from a mouth, hand, toy, or dick at all times. Ultimately, good sex engages all the senses, feeling playful but intense. You can smile at each other and completely lose your inhibitions. It makes you forget about everything else but each other in that moment." Kristin C.

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"To me, truly good sex is going on a journey with your partner—one that involves an eagerness to communicate, explore, get vulnerable, experiment, and even laugh at times. It’s about caring enough for the person you’re with that you want them to feel absolutely incredible, and vice-versa. At times, it’s equal parts selfish and selfless. You've gotta find that balance between doing what your partner loves and being confident enough to ask for what you want. Ultimately, good sex is about connecting with another human being and sharing a unique experience that only the two of you can create." —Kristine T.
As a woman who can’t come through penetration alone, good sex usually  involves a sex toy for me...
AMRITA MARINO
...Some men I've encountered are really threatened by that. But some men and women are like, ‘F*ck yeah, if that's what you need to get off, that's what I want to do for you.’ An open mind and a willingness to listen to my likes, dislikes, and boundaries is just plain hot."

—Anna Akana, actress
I love when I can be my goofball self in the bedroom...
AMRITA MARINO
...To me, good sex is all about being present in the moment. There's nothing quite like feeling like you're 100% there with your partner and they're 100% there with you. But if I can toss in a few other adjectives, I'd have to go with curiosity and playfulness. Curiosity about exploring new things and being open to what that experience could be like. And playfulness because I think most of us have the tendency to take sex way. Too. Seriously. Sometimes! I love when I can just let loose and be my goofball self in the bedroom." —Vanessa Marin

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"As an abusive relationship and sexual assault survivor, my journey to understanding what 'good sex' is for me has required a lot of experimenting and soul-searching. After that abusive relationship, I went through a hyper-sexual phase to prove to myself that I could still have sex. Then, when I realized I wasn't enjoying it, I went through a very long period of celibacy where I experimented with masturbation—something I'd never been comfortable with before because of society's stigma against women's pleasure.
What I've realized is that safety and communication are paramount for me. With my current partner, we spent months talking before we actually even had sex. I had never done this before—I was very much like, 'Let's do it ASAP'—but talking about my likes and dislikes for a while and trusting my partner means that I'm having the best sex I've ever had right now. Even if you don't wanna wait that long, I feel like waiting a few dates and then talking about what you like in bed before having sex can be really hot." —Carolina H.

“Sex can be laugh-out-loud bad. Awkward. Weird. Maybe it’s from lack of communication with a partner, or because our bodies are both beautiful and strange at the same time, but normally it’s because I’m unable to let go and give in to the moment. But when it’s good and the sexual stars align, I leave my body while simultaneously feeling every part of it.  And what’s better than that?” —Keri M.
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"Good sex always surprises me and catches me off-guard. I can't pinpoint what exactly makes it so good; it just is. But if I had to try to explain it, I'd say that good sex is more about the emotional connection first, then the physical comes almost automatically. If I feel connected, loved, and comfortable, we can both fully enjoy ourselves." —Jenny N.
I like when I can look a guy in the eye during sex—and he doesn’t look away...
AMRITA MARINO
...Good sex is all about the connection. What happens downtown is important, of course, but for me, the difference between okay sex and good sex is a lot of kissing, touching, and eye contact. If he makes the effort to focus on my facial expressions, too—it just magnifies the whole experience. What makes good sex into great sex? When my partner is just as interested in my orgasm as his own and isn't afraid to experiment or take charge. Telling me how good everything feels or complimenting my body goes a long way, too, since it gets me out of my head." —Marissa G., 29

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"There has to be more than just physical attraction for me in order to have good sex, since it’s more than just a physical experience. It’s an exchange of energy, so unless we also connect on other levels, I won’t have an enjoyable experience and would much rather masturbate alone. Good sex shouldn’t just be about the physical pleasure we receive, even with the best sex 'skills' in the world. If we’re not compatible in other ways, the sex will never feel good. Really good sex happens when I’m attracted to the other person on many levels, and when there’s mutual trust, respect, and passion. It’s not just about how I feel during sex, but also how I’m going to feel afterwards, too." —Elysia D.
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